Saturday, November 7, 2009

change of address

or: of moving out and moving on

I got the shock of my life last Saturday. It was a little past 2PM when I finally decided to get out of bed. When I went downstairs to look for food, I saw that our entire first floor was missing. My first impulse was to shout MAGNANAKAAAAAW!!! at the top of my lungs but then I remembered that Saturday was moving day and there was no reason to cause a scene.

By 4 o’clock, I was well involved in the moving process. My first task: to ensure that my old room looked just like my new room. Problem is, while the two rooms had some similarities, there were a lot of differences you couldn’t ignore. One side of the wall was bigger. I tried to fit in my dresser, bed and a set of drawers in one side of the room. It wouldn’t fit. Hmmm… It fit so perfectly in the old room. With just a little stretch, I could get whatever I needed. I tried physics, brute force and whatnot but they wouldn’t fit. I didn’t know what to do. Something had to be done but I didn’t want to let go of the layout I had in my mind either- the layout from my last room.

First step was to accept that things had to change. I whipped out a pen and paper and started to sketch. It was hard at first (I did it Sims style) but after a few more moments of trial and error, I was able to find a suitable location for everything. Tired from moving furniture, I sat down on the floor and admired my work. Not bad. It actually looks better than my last room. With that, I breathed a sigh of relief and updated the score: New house – 1; Old house – 0.

New love. It’s funny how it feels just like moving. We may try to recreate moments we had with out past lovers. We want our moments with them to be just as happy as the moments with our exes (at least the ones that didn't involve violence, betrayal or tears). We ignore the fact that apart from loving us, these people often have nothing in common. No one loves the same way twice and once I accepted that, I was able to find a way for everything to fit.

By 10 o’clock, we were almost finished. The last of the boxes had been unpacked and we were slowly trying to piece the house together. I decided to take a little break and wash up. The new bathroom looked pretty harmless until I realized the sink was a little too small. When I sat down on the toilet, my hips (which don’t lie*) barely fit. Ang liit naman ng mga lintik na ‘to! Ano ba ‘to? Banyo ng duwende?! I was, of course, talking to myself. Sa kabila, sakto lang lahat. The sink was big enough. The toilet was wide enough. Because I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, it was the room I missed the most.

But then I got to thinking. The old house had pests and clogged sinks. The old house did not have as much closet space. The natural lighting in the new house was really, really nice. This house isn’t just different- it’s better. Sure, it isn’t perfect- we may need to change the toilet seat- but the good stuff definitely outweigh the bad stuff. New house – 2; Old house – 0.

No one will admit to it but there’s always that part of your mind that compares your current love with your exes. It’s human nature. We were born to distinguish, classify and categorize. My ex used to do this. Will my current love do that? Coming from a horrible relationship, I realized that the comparisons were not only pointless- they were downright unfair. My new love is sweet, understanding and is a lover of the arts. Of course, I traded up! I wouldn’t have it any other way.

At midnight, almost everyone retired to bed. I was still up trying to organize my clothes. I went down for a glass of water and stared at the living room in the darkness. It was a little disconcerting. The furniture was the same. The sofa was still white. The computer table leg was still broken. I don’t know what it was but even though everything screamed home, it didn’t feel like it. This new apartment was a house and not a home- at least not yet.

It starts with the little things. I looked through several boxes and found some paintings and a wall clock. I started hanging them around the house. After a few minutes of hooking and arranging, I stood back and admired my work. Suddenly, this little piece of wall began to look like home. Not the last home but specifically, my home. New house – 3; Old house – 0.

From the darkness, I heard my phone beep. I miss you :-*, said the message. It starts with the little things. Suddenly, the nights become a little warmer and who was once just a friend becomes so much more. New love – 1; old love – 0.

Hello world. I am not homeless anymore.

Absence of Fear