Friday, March 20, 2009

tagged: 15 different people

Carlo tagged me. Honestly, I hate getting tagged. I usually ignore it (if you’ve ever tagged me, I’m sorry!) but after seeing how unique this is, I figured- why not? The rules are simple:

a. Write something about 15 different people.
b. You can NOT say who they are.
c. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
d. Tag 15 people who you think would do this, too. You don't have to tag the people you wrote about.

I’m going to try my best to write about 15 people. Don’t blame me if the count’s a little short.

1. We don’t really get to talk much and so plenty is left unsaid. I want you to know that I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me and that I’ll always be your little boy. I want you to know that I will stand by you through anything and everything. I will hold your hand when you’re older just like you’ve held mine through trying times. I want to tell you that we’ll weather this latest storm together and that I’ll help you in any way I can. I don’t tell you I love you as much as I should but I want you to know that I really, really love you.

2. In my head, you are the epitome of everything that’s wrong in the world. Talking to you is such a chore. Stop living in the past. Patience is a virtue. The grass is greener on the other side. You may want to try it some time.

3. We only met once but not a day goes by that I don’t regret it. I fucking hate you. Sometimes, I have dreams where I’m pulling out your fingers one by one. Each time I awake from that dream, I have such a huge smile on my face. The years will not be kind to people like you. I yearn (with every fiber of my being) for the day when the earth shall call your name and you will be nothing but a memory of lesser days.

4. We’ve shared so much drama, Shakespeare would’ve been intimidated. I love how you brighten my day just by being in it. You know almost everything there is to know about me. You respect my walls even when I shut you out. I can talk to you about anything and everything. You’ve seen my monsters and you’re still here and for that I thank you.

5. I didn’t think we’d get along. I remember how you practically snubbed me when we first met. If you told me that three years later we’d be this close, I would’ve laughed at your face. Thank you for being so open to all my craziness. Thank you for bringing your art into this world. Thank you for making me and our little circle so happy. And yes, one day I will email you the Coffee Bean pictures.

6. Mongie! I was a little scared when I found out I was going to be in your class. I didn’t think we’d get along. Little did I know that we had so much in common. I’m the type of person who values intimacy and the fact that we share such a unique form of it makes it even more special. You’re an original, baby. Don’t ever forget that.

7. You are stronger than you think. Sometimes, I worry that in the process of finding your happily ever after, you’re going to lose yourself. My words are never enough. That’s why I feel like I’m just standing on a soapbox when you confide in me. I am doing my best to be here for you and I mostly am. My words fail so let me borrow some from one of our favorite authors. Don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself... know what you want.

8. We once said that cosmically, we were meant to be friends. Countless times, we’ve parted and reconnected and yet it still feels like we’ve never been apart. I’m so glad we’ve evolved. We’re not slaves to the idiotic Wolverine anymore. We’ve grown as writers, as people and as friends. I wouldn’t trade anything for the friendship I have with you and I’m looking forward to us hanging out when we’re both wrinkly and old.

9. You’re the closest thing I have to a brother and I know that you could say the same for me. I’m sorry. Two words that are so easy to say but for some strange reason, I couldn’t say that to you. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you and the fact that I ignored your cries for help makes me a bad person. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for letting me be when I needed my space. I really am sorry and I hope that from all the things we left in the fire, we would still have a little something left to rebuild.

10. You’re a little pathetic and I suppose we could blame that on a lot of things. I never told you this but I caught you lying so many times, it’s not even funny. I hope this “man” of yours materializes soon or else you’ll be left with nothing but the sad pictures you showed me and the thing in your head that forces you to exaggerate. Truth is, in time you will understand everything. I just don’t know if I’ll still be there to walk you through the process.

11. Of all the friendships I’ve made, I think you surprised me most. I think we’re at the point where we can tell each other anything and it’s nice to know that you’re always just a holler away. Thank you for the hugs and for the advice and for figuratively holding my hair while I puked out my teenage drama. I just hope that I can one day repay you for all the times you’ve fixed me. Thank you for keeping me sane and for always knowing just what to say. You’re great at what you do and you may not know it but I really look up to you. Thank you. Thank you. A million times, thank you.

12. I’ve broken you so many times, I’m amazed you’re still here. Someday, I will get my karma and I know that you’ll hold my hand as I go through it. You never really understood the things that I felt but just so you know, I did that all for us. I wanted there to be an us after the chaos that was 2008. I miss our late night conversations, both of us watching TV- miles away but connected by the telephone. I miss doing things with you. I miss talking to you and if I would only allow myself to be honest, I know that I miss you. I know that you read my blog every now and then. I will always love you and I want to thank you for always being there.

13. I’ve never had a best friend before. I used to think that it wasn’t a necessity. Life would be just fine without a best friend. You proved me wrong. We’ve gone a long way from jogging around the park, trying to make sense of life and love. We grew up together and I’m glad you’re in my life. You said that you wouldn’t have made it this far in life if it weren’t for me. I want you to know that the feeling is mutual. I would be lost without you and our little weekly sessions.

14. Sometimes people have to part ways. Sometimes, I look at our pictures and I feel a little sad that we don’t talk anymore. I may have overreacted a little and I took advantage of the fact that you were never the confrontational type. You’re crazy and I miss you. I’m sorry.

15. As said in Grey’s Anatomy, if love were enough, I’d still be here. I struggle with the question if what we had was real or if it was just the season. I avoid certain places because of you. I am not the same person because of you. I still think about you every now and then even though I blame you for so many things. You’re one of the people that brought me to where I am right now. The coal doesn’t thank the fire but it’s grateful anyway.*

Phew. Well, what do you know- I actually made it to 15.

Wow. Whudabout I’m getting affected? It’s actually a little therapeutic. I was able to let go of some things I’ve been keeping inside. Can you say eeeemmmmooooo?

I am tagging the following people:

Blog buddies…
1. Victor
2. EJ
3. Mr. Scheez
4. Niel Camhalla
5. Gram Math

and actual buddies…
6. Belle
7. Apol
8. Juber
9. Derick
10. Kitch
11. Mitch
12. RG
13. Beans
14. Joel

Feel free to decline. Like I said, I completely ignored these kinds of things in the past. One thing I can say though: it may seem like a chore but trust me, it’s actually a lot of fun. I may even consider doing more in the future!

Jere, if you're reading this, I wanted to tag you but I'm pretty sure na-tag ka na ni Debbie or Carlo. This is a pseudo-tag. Do it now!

If I didn’t tag you and you want to answer, take the fifteenth spot. I warmed your seat for you. Take the damn test.

15. You