Sunday, January 11, 2009

Review: Wanted

Released: June 27, 2008
Rating: ♥♥

Dear Wanted producers,

What the hell were you thinking?! I do not have enough words to express my complete and utter disappointment after seeing this film and so instead, I offer you the following points:
  1. I last saw Morgan Freeman in The Bucket List. He played an old man who had a couple of things on his to-do list before he's dunzo. Before that, he was God to a lackluster Steve Carell in Evan Almighty. I'm not a fan but I always had some respect for him both as an actor and as a person. All that changed when I saw your film. In the future, please refrain from making nice older men do the following activities: cursing, shooting, gun-slinging, plotting, and/or conniving. It is very unbecoming and I'm not sure how many times I have to see The Bucket List to convince myself that Morgan Freeman is not evil incarnate.
  2. James McAvoy is a cooler version of Shia LaBeouf. I'll give you some points for putting him in this movie. It's nice to see him kick some ass, especially since I first saw him as Mr. Tumnus, the faun. I just really wish you gave him cooler lines. There are times where, I swear, he sounds like a Rambo-wannabe in a grotesque action b-movie from the eighties. What's the point of updating everything else when his lines are at record-breaking cheesy levels?!
  3. I haven't been as excited to see Angelina Jolie since 2006's Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Two years and five million children later, she finally accepts a role in a big-budget film. Again, perfect casting for this role but I just wish you gave her more things to do. She's a big star. Milk it.
  4. I fully understand your inclusion in this year's list of Yahoo!'s Most Ridiculous Movie Moments. Many comic books have been made into movies. Yes, they can be ridiculous. I've never seen so many people willingly wear so much leather. But a magic loom?! What the hell?! It could've been positioned better. Given enough bull, the movie-goer will buy almost anything. But there was not set-up, no anything to make it seem like the loom was cool. A loom is a loom. Unless you're a fashion designer, I doubt if a magic loom would every excite anybody.
I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy at all. Yes, there are fun moments in the film and the fight scenes were actually quite thrilling. In the end though, there is a lingering feeling of regret. I just wasted time and/or money to see a group of misguided assassins who take instructions from a magical binary-code speaking loom. I read somewhere that a sequel is in the works. I believe I speak for everybody when I say "no, thank you."