Sunday, January 4, 2009

Review: Desperadas 2

DISCLAIMER: I can’t believe I’m even doing this. I was hoping to deny watching this movie but my resolution of publishing more posts included utilizing Mutliply’s Reviews section. I’m sure this post will probably send strange people to this blog via lost Google searches. But anyway, a resolution’s a resolution so here it is:

Desperadas 2
Released: December 25, 2008 (RP)
Rating: ♥

An embarrassing truth: Desperadas 2 was the first movie I saw in 2009 (in a real theater, at least). I’m about to embarrass myself even more. Desperadas 1 was the first movie I saw in 2008. Okay, forgive me while I scowl in shame.

With that out of the way, allow me to give me two cents on this movie. I must admit, the first movie was quite entertaining. I didn’t expect much and I came out strangely entertained. Rufa Mae Quinto as Patricia is a goddess and she completely carried this Sex and the City rip-off (no pun intended) to its bankable status. I guess I was a little excited to see the sequel, if only to hear her quote famous people in strange parts of the movie.

I can’t say I wasn’t utterly disappointed. This time around, the whole movie was (for lack of a better word) fugly. You get a few cheap laughs but that’s about it. I’m so glad we Filipinos are so tolerant because the racist quips and matapobre humor would probably not sit well with more sensitive countries. Take Iza Calzado for example. Extremely lucrative, advertising wise and she’s proven her worth as a reputable actress but then this movie has her character (Stephanie) equating NFA rice with poor quality and shamelessly plugging Nestlé yogurt all in one breath. Yes, it’s a known fact that NFA rice isn’t exactly delicious but you can’t deny the fact that it feeds many Filipinos and was a constant conversation topic when we had that rice shortage just a few months back.

I used to think Ruffa Gutierrez spoke perfect English until I saw this movie. In one scene, policemen came to (her character) Isabela’s house because of some ludicrous beauty product scandal (I kid you not). The policeman said her name in a thick regional accent to which she replied “yes that’s me pero mali yung pronounce-iation.” In her defense, the root word is “pronounce” and so it only follows that its noun form should be said in the same way. Hmmm... no. That’s not right, is it?

I used to have some respect for Ogie Alcasid. Sure, he left his beauty queen wife and kids for that slut but at least he was still entertaining. In Desperadas, he is Lugaluda, half-sister (yes, you read it: sister) to the four principal characters. He comes from a strange African island where people (apparently) speak in tongues on a regular basis. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they had him dancing strange “African” dances (with translator Joy Viado) in so many scenes, I lost count. But what ultimately doomed him was his kissing scene with BeBench winner Carlo Guevarra. It was pretty dark in the cinema but I’m pretty sure people cringed and covered as though Sadako herself came out of the screen.

Speaking of cringing, I don’t know who taught Marian Rivera to speak English but it seems she took her s’s and z’s too seriously.

Courtney: “parang wala naman akong ginawang underwear na ganyang zize”.

Someone please tell her to lay of the z’s before she starts sounding like Jollibee. Come to think of it, that might not be such a bad idea. She’s only got fifty million commercials, right? Donning the big bee in red costume might prove to be (dare I say it) entertaining.

All in all, if you expect to use even a tenth of your brain capacity then you’re only setting yourself up for failure. It’s a mildly entertaining movie just as long as you’re willing to overlook the over-the-top acting, the hideous stereotypes and an ending so hurried, it’ll make your head spin.