Tuesday, August 28, 2007

peep peep

237 blog posts and what have i accomplished? basically, all i've done is bitch about my day.

I started reading Bridget Jones's Diary yesterday and it really is so different from the movie. I haven't really gotten past a few chapters (I'm still somewhere in the middle of March) but so far, I'm really digging this version. It's funny how I found myself in the middle of the book feeling sad and inconsolable and I ended up getting into this huge fight with a friend who I'm sure did not see it coming but meant well in the end (but let's not get into that).

Somewhere between January and February, I really got into the book and I realized there's a mini Bridget in every one of us. That's why we love and adore her, word vomit and all. When you look at the mirror and feel fat and urrrrgleeeeh, there's Bridget. When you're waiting for a phone call or text message, there's Bridget. When you're all alone on a date night, there's Bridget. When you try so hard to look smart and end up feeling stupid, there's Bridget. When you find yourself trapped with another Cleave, there's Bridget. It's so typical of me to have found myself so caught up that I've taken to hating Hugh Grant simply by association. Why is it that some people were just made to be fuckwits?

Anyway, I'm still waiting to be cheered up but so far the book's just got me in a damp mood. I guess it happened when I realized my whole life has been anchored on things that don't really matter in the long run. I should probably rethink my decisions and hopefully make the right ones this time.

Last Sunday, I found myself in the middle of a class of 14 toddlers, getting hit by flying plastic vegetables while a little boy tugs at me to take him to the bathroom. It was then that I realized that I just can't do this anymore. My staying in Sunday School isn't doing anybody any good and it's probably high time that I have a long talk with my supervisor and let her know I'm not what they need. They need someone who hasn't been through what I'm going through. Someone with a firmer foundation and obviously, more faith. As I told a friend of mine, what have they got to learn from me? I cannot continue knowing full well that I'm probably causing more harm than good.

So just like Bridget, I need to get a hold of the things I need to do.
  1. Leave Rethink Leave Rethink Resign from Sunday School
  2. Start thinking of poss career expansion
  3. Work on meeting new people to expand network
  4. Start praying / lean on things that matter
  5. Stop thinking about what'll get me through the day and
  6. Start thinking about what'll bring me to my future.
v. good start.

Hopefully, this'll get me somewhere. Doesn't Bridget get her happy ending, as well?

"I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are."